Life Quest (and other stuff)

So I was chatting with a friend the other day. At least I assume it was my friend. I was lying on my bed, trying to avoid the world (it was my birthday, so I could cry/bitch/stay in bed if I wanted to) and my friend was who knows where, doing who knows what... on a different continent. Since we were texting each other I can only say with certainty that I was part of the "conversation" and that my friend's phone was part of the "conversation." As to whom was actually using that phone is a uncertainty, but I'm sticking with my assumption. So we were chatting. About life, feelings, AI, a movie of the same name, whether we are smart... Pretty much the kinda things we usually talk about (strengthening the "it was my friend" theory). At some point for some reason, I texted: "I wish I was a brain in a jar." Friend's phone: "How do you know you are not?" Me: "Coz I wouldn't have these massive hips." BOOM ...

I had a little breakdown this morning. No massive drama or crawling into a corner rocking back and forth (I've been there, so it is a possible outcome). It was a simple, even silly situation that sent me into a momentary downward spiral. If you read my resolutions post of a couple of days ago, you may remember point 30: Buy a swimming costume without the "pant" part - nobody is fooled regarding my thigh size (by covering it up with stretch fabric). This seemed like a reasonable and easy spot to start and when I found myself in the shops yesterday, buying supplies to "captainize" a pony toy (that's what the other kid calls customise), I popped into MrP Sport and grabbed a cozzie. On sale it was too. This morning we went swimming. My little daughter went to get my swimming costume (she is very excited about the idea of me having a "proper" one) and handed it to me, waiting in anticipation for me to put it on. I stepped in and pulled up t...

Okay, before we get into how unlikely it is that I will stick to these, here is my thought: If I don't try at all it is even more unlikely. So there. Having a conversation with a good friend the other day, I was reminded how insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things. Few of us will ever do anything that is remembered by anyone other than our inner circle when we move into whatever lies beyond this life. I could have taken it as "might as well go back to bed, none of what I do matter anyway," but instead I decided to  take it as "stop being so stupidly afraid of everything, my actions has little impact, so the fear, embarrassment, worry I feel about every decision and "thing" I do, has no place, coz other people very likely don't notice or don't care." That was a clumsy paragraph, but I get it. In a nutshell: barring causing deliberate pain/unhappiness to others, I am going to try to make choices that makes me happy. S...

Sometimes it seems like the universe is trying to tell you something. Often, we are too "busy" with our own "stuff" to pay proper notice. Other times, we notice, but since the message doesn't fit with what we believe we want, we actively ignore it.  On occasion we are ready to listen, and I think that might be be the case for me this time.  You are most likely aware of the saying: less is more. Simple words, often applied to the design world I live in.  I hear and use this phrase relating to my job quite frequently, but now I think I am ready to persue it as a way of life.  The idea has been presented to me in multiple forms in the past few months.  A close friend packing up her life to move to a new country.  A client sharing the concept of perma-culture with me.  A weekend stargazing trip with great conversation and skies that left me in awe.  Even the awareness of the value of every drop of wate...

I have been quiet here, I know. I am moving forward, one little step at a time. And I will get back to blogging and my life quest. Soon, I hope. In the past month, my miscarriage is what filled my head, and having a baby is still what I think about most at the moment. But I am looking forward to this new year, and hopefully new beginnings. So, happy new year, may it be miraculous.

What is 30 days of truth? Someone I need to let go... No one. Everyone that I know or interact with somehow belongs in my life. They all contribute to who I am, and who I am becoming. Would it make my life easier to remove some of them from the equation? Sure, but this is a life quest. Part of that quest is to grow as a person, and having to deal with a diverse brew of people helps that growth. Someone I wish I didn't know... Angry-Hulk-Suki. I can remain calm in most situations, but I do have a temper on me. And when I snap, I snap big. Not something I'm proud of. Which is why earlier this year I made the resolution to not get angry. And, although I don't have a perfect record since them, I have managed to keep my cool more often than I would have and I have been able to keep Angry-Hulk-Suki in check. And that is something I am proud of. 3 Things to be grateful for: 1. Knowing many people who enrich my life. 2. Keeping my cool. 3. Oranges. Totally l...

What is 30 days of truth? I do wonder from time to time what happened to a friend of old. Usually this happens when I am somehow reminded of a time in my life where they were present, or I might be reminded of an event in my life where they were involved. Maybe I'm in a video shop and I see a movie title which takes me momentarily back to the first time I saw the movie and the people I was with. Then I would wonder, "what ever did happen to so and so..." But for me, that is usually where it ends. I don't even look them up on Facebook. I don't know who Anneri is, but she left an impression. I guess she really does not want to be forgotten, or maybe someone is trying hard not to forget. Cause the truth is, with today's tech at our fingertips, the excuses for not keeping in contact are getting thin. If we are not speaking/emailing/following each over on Twitter then we probably don't make sense in each other's worlds anymore. And if we ...

Update: January: Being happy – more happy than not (except yesterday, which was a sad day). February: Sexy sleep wear – got nice winter ones. March: Read squash rules – read it, been sick and not playing, will start next week again. April: Donate clothes - Done. May: Plant flowers - see pic below. (Was planted last day of May - still counts!) And so we get to June And yes, I realise that we have almost made it through this month of June, but the resolution is intact, because I have already started on it. So, you say, get to the point: what do you want for June? Well. That's exactly it. What do I want for June? What do I want for any month of the year? What do I want from life? What do I want? So I started looking at this question. And I'm even trying to answer it. And it's during the answering that I realised this is not something you complete in a month. But because of the potential scope, it is something we often side step. Ignore. Hide from. And 20 y...

Yesterday I stood astonished at how stupid people can be, today I am amazed at what my 1 year old can do . Although, I must admit, when reading dorothy black's post yesterday, I did feel a bit useless. I mean seriously, how much does a 13 year old need to accomplish? But after a few moments of simply "giving up" and contemplating in which corner it would be the best to sit and wallow in my sorrows, I was suddenly filled with new motivation for my life quest. This morning I vacuumed my home office, great things must be coming. Can you feel it?

It always works this way. The closer I get to doing something new - making a change in my life - the further I seem to go from doing it. Suddenly I have a lot of work demands. Suddenly I'm tired all the time. Suddenly tears start streaming down my cheeks when watching the silliest advert. Suddenly everything seems to stand in the way, and the goal just seems completely out of reach. None of these are particularly conducive to change. So I'm stuck. Again. Deep breath.