Life Quest (and other stuff)

Bloggity blog blog blog

2012-02-09T03:52:00.002+02:00

Blogging is supposed to be fun.

It's supposed to be a way of expressing yourself.

Possibly a way of blowing of steam, but usually I get bored about a quarter of the way through a rant post, so not great for me specifically.

But most importantly - blogging should be what you need it to be.

For me, blogging is a way to get my thoughts out of my head so that I can have space for the really important stuff, like remembering the lyrics to Evanescence songs and knowing all the names of the Thomas and Friends trains my son owns.

So if it is my blog, with my thoughts, and there for my needs, why do I feel guilty when I don't blog?

Ask my husband and he will categorise it under my (I hope charming) brokeness - along with getting buyers remorse before making a purchase and having to run to the microwave to stop it before it beeps (can't stand the beeping).

Well the answer - I don't know. Probably the same reason I feel guilty for not shaving my legs before I go to the gynae.

So since I don't have the answer, I'm just gonna leave it at that. Calming accepting that I will probably feel a little guilty for not going deeper.

Oh well.

So I have an iPhone now

2011-12-19T13:48:00.002+02:00

I don't know about you, but for me an iPhone has been a lovely idea, a definite want, but not really a need. I say this of course with my new iPhone in hand, typing this post, so you will be forgiven if you find me slightly contradictory.

I can justify this purchase of course - it is convinient for keeping in touch, it has features and access to applications that makes my business easier to run, the planets aligned (it actually did - my contract was upgradable the day before the 4s launch), my husband has one, etc etc.

But in the end it doesn't matter why I got it. And I know there might be very valid reasons to have considered a different phone (I didn't). The fact is that I very quickly realised that the iPhone is for me.

I love it.

And now I can play Angry Birds too ;)

Having the (right) words.

2011-08-25T21:35:00.001+02:00

As a copywriter I am expected to know what to say. To take the information behind a product or service and turn it into a message that is easily understandable, promotes, sells and often, is expected to be clever too.

With enough insight into a product or service this can be accomplished. Yes, sometimes it can be difficult, harder work than one might think to get to text on the page, but (so far) it is always doable.

It is not so easy when the words are my own.

When the message is personal, my words are not only harder to find, but it is harder to let go. How do I know for sure that what I mean is what you will understand? How do I even know what I mean is what I understand? So I keep working at it, dissecting sentences in my mind, trying to find the words. The right words.

Enough of that.

It has been months since I blogged and even with some of that time spent trying to find the right words, I may just end up putting it off until I have no voice left. So I’m stepping away. Getting a new perspective. Maybe I’ll even climb on my desk like the chaps from Dead Poets Society.

I’m hiring a copywriter.

Myself.

My hubbie showed me this advert. I liked it, and it seems kinda appropriate. Power of words and all that. (Watch the ad, even cry a little if you like, but if you need a copywriter, pick me.)

Link to the advert if the embedded video is unhappy for any reason:

The power of words.

Life happens

2011-01-27T21:49:00.002+02:00

I have been quiet here, I know. I am moving forward, one little step at a time. And I will get back to blogging and my life quest. Soon, I hope.

In the past month, my miscarriage is what filled my head, and having a baby is still what I think about most at the moment.

But I am looking forward to this new year, and hopefully new beginnings.

So, happy new year, may it be miraculous.

Days of truth update

2010-12-08T11:40:00.000+02:00

I'm taking a bit of a break from 30 days of truth.

I had a miscarriage this past Monday, so my mind is still mostly focused on that.

I will get back to this life quest, but first I need to deal with death.

I will however include 3 things to be grateful for:

1. An amazing husband.
2. Family, friends, my doctor and hospital staff for their incredible support.
3. And a beautiful, beautiful 2 year old boy.

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment me the most on

2010-12-04T23:12:00.003+02:00

What is 30 days of truth?

My looks.

Which happens to also be the one thing I find it hardest to accept a compliment for.

I often get told I look pretty, or even beautiful. I say a simple "thank you," but in my heart of hearts the insecure little girl that I often still am shouts, "Lair! I'm fat, I'm ugly, I don't stand up straight!" [At least I don't stand there pointing out my flaws for an hour and a half anymore. "Thank you" is a huge improvement. Look, I even fought the urge the put - like me - in brackets after the huge ;) ]

The truth, I am overweight, but it turns out that I never really was this hideous creature I took myself for, even clocking in at significantly higher than what I am now. At school I was convinced I was the fattest, so did I at college and later in the "corporate world."

Looking back I realise that my perception piled on quite a few kilograms.

But still, even "knowing" this intellectually, I still find it hard to take the compliment. I have started to realise that many people do actually have the ability to look past the fat and see a pretty face, my not quite dark, but not quite light, brown eyes, and a kinda pretty smile.

The strange thing is that other people's size does not bother me. As long as they are happy, I am happy. I see the person, not the packaging.

It's just when it comes to me where can't look past my pounds.

But I'm working on it.

3 Things to be grateful for:

1. Contour underwear.
2. Playing pretend games with the kid.
3. Spell check.

Day 10: Someone I need to let go, or wish I didn’t know

2010-12-04T22:30:00.000+02:00

What is 30 days of truth?

Someone I need to let go...

No one.

Everyone that I know or interact with somehow belongs in my life. They all contribute to who I am, and who I am becoming. Would it make my life easier to remove some of them from the equation? Sure, but this is a life quest. Part of that quest is to grow as a person, and having to deal with a diverse brew of people helps that growth.

Someone I wish I didn't know...

Angry-Hulk-Suki.

I can remain calm in most situations, but I do have a temper on me. And when I snap, I snap big.

Not something I'm proud of.

Which is why earlier this year I made the resolution to not get angry. And, although I don't have a perfect record since them, I have managed to keep my cool more often than I would have and I have been able to keep Angry-Hulk-Suki in check.

And that is something I am proud of.

3 Things to be grateful for:

1. Knowing many people who enrich my life.
2. Keeping my cool.
3. Oranges. Totally loving oranges at the moment.

Day 9: Someone I didn’t want to let go, but just drifted

2010-12-02T23:06:00.000+02:00

What is 30 days of truth?

I do wonder from time to time what happened to a friend of old.

Usually this happens when I am somehow reminded of a time in my life where they were present, or I might be reminded of an event in my life where they were involved.

Maybe I'm in a video shop and I see a movie title which takes me momentarily back to the first time I saw the movie and the people I was with. Then I would wonder, "what ever did happen to so and so..."

But for me, that is usually where it ends. I don't even look them up on Facebook.


I don't know who Anneri is, but she left an impression. I guess she really does not want to be forgotten, or maybe someone is trying hard not to forget.

Cause the truth is, with today's tech at our fingertips, the excuses for not keeping in contact are getting thin. If we are not speaking/emailing/following each over on Twitter then we probably don't make sense in each other's worlds anymore.

And if we didn't want to let go, why did we drift?

Surely on some (maybe unconscious) level we must have been willing.

That said, I do not believe it is necessarily over. We might bump into each other one day at the local McDs, strike up a conversation and jump right back into our friendship. But it will be different, since we are now different.

Or maybe we'll just be reminded of why we drifted in the first place...

3 Things to be grateful for:

1. Keeping in touch via all these controversial social media means.
2. Lindt 70% chocolate.
3. Hearing a new song you like.

Day 8: Someone who made my life hell

2010-12-02T09:03:00.002+02:00

What is 30 days of truth?

I am grateful to say that in my life there has only been one time were I felt a person really went out of their way to make me miserable.

The scene: Girl meets boy, girl and boy likes each other, they date a while, girl ends the relationship, boy handles break-up with the opposite of finesse.

For a couple of weeks I after my life was awful. I was taunted, sent threats and worse. He then did something really terrible and I guess he realised that the line to the dark side was well and truly crossed.

I was left alone after that.

This was many, many years ago.

There was one other time where it is up for debate as to whether "hell" was what said party intended for me. But I'm not in the mood for debate. Then there have been moments when the actions of another made my life "hell" - or at least really bad. Usually though it was an unintentional side effect of a struggle they went through. And although not fun for me, eventually something I could understand.

Still, would prefer not to have any more of those moments.

3 Things to be grateful for:

1. Cheese
2. Sunny weather
2. Hindsight (although foresight would probably be better.)

Day 7: Someone who has made my life worth living for

2010-12-01T00:16:00.000+02:00

What is 30 days of truth?

This one is easy, but hard. I want to believe that my life would be worth living without an external factor like a "someone." Then again, I am extremely grateful that I have someone to share my life with.

So, in case of a fire, hubbie and sprog would be the ones I grab first.

The rest of you will have to be alphabetically :)

3 Things to be grateful for:

1. Hubbie
2. Sprog
3. Sprog that's on the way

Day 6: Something I hope I never have to do

2010-11-29T23:48:00.000+02:00

What is 30 days of truth?

Take someone's life.

I never want to have to do that.

3 things to be grateful for:

1. Being able to be in the position to take part in the shoebox Christmas project, supplying presents to those who otherwise won't be getting anything for Christmas.
2. Not receiving a shoebox for Christmas, because I have family and friends that can afford to give me something.
3. Family and friends.

Day 5: Something I hope to do in my life

2010-11-29T09:23:00.001+02:00

What is 30 days of truth?

The list is long. Very, very long. But since I've just been to Tina's concert (mentioned in day 4), I'm going go with music.

I want to record a CD.

And I want to do it myself.

Maybe I'll get some help from my 2 year old...

I play piano and clarinet and can bang a drum a bit and know at least three chords on the guitar, so with a little more practice (hubbie gave me a bass guitar last Christmas) I can cover the musical elements. (I'm not saying it's gonna be the best CD ever, just mine.)

I've been writing songs since I was a teenager, but would actually like to compose a new body of work for this album. The dining room is now a music room (never had a table anyway) with microphones, midi drums, guitars (electric, acoustic and bass), keyboard and even, I kid you not, a tambourine.

Everything is hooked up to the sound board and (admittedly not great) amp, so now I (read: hubbie) just have to add my computer and I can start recording.

I even have a deadline: by my 40th birthday. Sooner if it happens that way, but preferably not later. That gives me just a touch under 10 years.

Sounds long I know, but remember, I still have to learn to play some of these instruments and learn how to produce an reasonable album, not to mention writing the music, while "life" and everything else I also want to do also happens.

One step at a time though.

Does that mean I start at Doh?

3 things to be grateful for:

1. Sunny Sundays and restaurants with kiddie play areas.
2. Really, really slap chips. You know the disgusting kind with no colour and dripping with oil, too much salt and loads of vinegar. So, so good. Only trouble is, I can't find those at chip shops any more, which brings me to number three...
3. Hubbie's deep fat fryer ;)

Day 4: Something I have to forgive someone for

2010-11-27T23:11:00.001+02:00

What is 30 days of truth?

Once again a tricky one...

Once again not something I really prescribe to.

I tend to forgive pretty easily. Cross me and my temper can flare up to super nova proportions in a matter of seconds (hence the August resolution of keeping cool, and that is going pretty darn well, even if I say so myself). But in an equally short time I'm usually over it. You say sorry, I say it's cool. We go on. Sometimes it means we go are separate ways since we cannot agree on the final outcome, but we go on.

The problem is, I do not do so well with the second part of the well known saying. You know the one I'm talking about.

Forgive AND forget.

I am much more of a once bitten always shy kinda girl. I don't easily forget. Even when I truly accept your apology, I probably won't forget.

Just to be clear, I'm not talking about things like stealing my parking spot or forgetting to record my favourite TV show. That I can put from my mind without second thought.

I'm talking the more serious stuff.

Like when a desk was thrown onto me by "someone" in a fit of rage and I was pushed down the stairs by the same "someone" sometime later. Like the very inappropriate sexual advances by an ex-boss. Like killing my best friend.

These things I cannot forget.

I wish I could.

3 things to be grateful for:

1. McDonald's fries. Always comes through for me when I'm hungry and short on time.
2. Music. Was at a concert by Tina Schouw tonight, performing children's songs she wrote, inspired by her son.
3. The ability to make music, even if it's not at the level I would like it to be. One day I might record the songs I wrote for my son.

Day 3: Something I have to forgive myself for.

2010-11-26T20:06:00.003+02:00

What is 30 days of truth?

Sitting here with my legs pulled up onto the chair, I have been mentally going through the (too long) list of "bad-things" I have done in my life.

There are many things I would not do again if given the choice (e.g. not studing for matric finals). There are those things that I still feel guilty about (not regularly drinking my thyroid meds during my first pregnancy, turns out it could have had an influence on baby-development ).

I really should have studied!

Even though there are many things I still struggle with, I cannot think of a single thing that I haven't forgiven myself for. I've never really operated in the realm of needing forgiveness from myself. Others: yes, myself: no.

But maybe there is something I should not forgive myself for. Something I should keep pushing for until I do something about it. And I think that is what I am trying to do, I just haven't found the words.

Not yet.

3 things to be grateful for:

1. A busy, busy day that ended well.
2. The feeling of calm I'm currently experiencing.
3. SARS efiling.

Day 2: Something I love about myself

2010-11-25T19:27:00.000+02:00

What is 30 days of truth?

I love that I can get excited about the most ridiculous things. I can lie on my tummy and watch an ant, I can make a huge mess while baking, because I'm enjoying the feel of the flour on my hands. I am a sucker for funfairs and candyfloss and the circus.

Ant!

And what is even better?

I now have a two year old boy that gives me license to stop and look at the butterflies, mess with my hands in the sand, or jump up and down explaining just how cool the latest Thomas-trains (as my boy calls them) are.

Now I'm not the crazy lady anymore. Now, by seeing the world like an enthusiastic child, I am an involved mommy.

Now that's what I call win-win ;)

3 Things to be grateful for:

1. Above mentioned sprog took a nap this afternoon and gave me time to get some more work done.
2. Had a nice chat on the phone with my mom.
3. Girly TV time tonight, while hubbie is out (though I'll miss him dearly).

Day 1: Something I hate about myself

2010-11-24T23:28:00.000+02:00

What is 30 days of truth?

As a woman-person it would be too easy to say, "everything!" But, if I'm honest (and this is supposed to be the truth), many of these general "hates" are actually "strongly dislikes."

For one, I say "I hate my hips!" yet I eat a second slice of lemon meringue pie. "I hate my crooked toes!" but I walk barefoot regularly, toes in plain sight of anyone who wants to look.

So, something I hate must be something I actually want to/try to change.

Here it is: I hate that I can be extremely critical, sometimes on others; mostly on myself. Critical to the point of incapacitation. It is hard (and in some cases still impossible) to move on when I've come down this hard on myself.

I do believe that looking at yourself and what you produce is necessary, if you can be constructive and use this to improve. But sometimes I just deconstruct and leave myself too afraid to pick up the pieces. I hate that. I want to change that.

3 things to be grateful for:

1. Club meeting I led tonight went well.
2. I saw the near full moon, big and yellow and it was beautiful.
3. A husband that didn't answer when I asked: "so what about myself should I hate most?"

November resolution: 30 days of truth and gratitude

2010-11-23T17:51:00.005+02:00

The year so far:

January: Being happy – more happy than not.
February: Sexy sleep wear – Well, at least the sleepwear is sexy...
March: Read squash rules – Done and playing.
April: Donate clothes – Done. About time for some shopping so that I can donate current wardrobe?

May: Plant flowers – Did it. But not really doing well with other plants.
June: Figuring out “What do I want?” – First list done; will revisit.
July: 365 photos challenge: Currently on day 129

August: keeping cool (or: don’t get angry) –Could be doing worse.

September: be nice – not too bad.

October: listen, really listen – this is harder than you might think.

Now for November.

Since we are getting closer to the end of yet another year, I decided to go out with a bang. I spotted the 30 days of truth some of my blog friends is/was doing and decided to give it a go.

This is quite a list and some of the questions will be hard to answer, but this is a life quest after all, and no-one claimed it would be easy.

The list:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band/artist that has gotten you through some tough days (write letter).
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down (letter).
Day 15 → Something/someone you couldn’t live without, coz you’ve tried living.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

My friend Tania did a gratitude month in September, mentioning 3 things to be grateful for each day. So I will be adding this to the 30 truth posts as well.

Tomorrow I'll start, so in the meantime have a look at these 30 days of truth blogs:

And for gratitude:

Day 128: 365 photos update

2010-11-22T12:38:00.000+02:00

I admit I have been a bit quiet on the update front, in truth, I have been quiet on the blogging front as a whole, but here I am, and if you give me a couple of hours you'll see that I'm back, with avengeance...

That said, let's get back to the business at hand, the 365 photos update.

As I am nearing the halfway mark of the 365 photos challenge, I am both excited and disappointed. I am excited because some of the photos I have been taking with my cell phone are rather beautiful. I am disappointed because not all of my photos are beautiful. Some are downright awful.

But I'm here to learn and (hopefully) get better.

So here are my favourites since the last update:


Day 71 - Crane. Pitty about the dirt on the car window it was taken through, but still pretty I think.

Day 75 - Shadow

Day 76 - Colours in fibre optics


Day 88 - Field My favourite, favourite of this lot.


Day 112 - S.w.ing! Pure happiness.

Day 126 - Red flower
One of those that at the time I thought
"a waste" but pretty in the end.

And then, in the quest for improvement, I will go out on a limb and include what I believe to be the worst:


Day 66 - Red and yellow. I mean, seriously?

If you like to see more of this challenge, bounce to my twitpic page (tagged: 365photos) or follow me on twitter.

The October resolution

2010-10-28T22:21:00.002+02:00

I created this image about 3 years ago, but tonight it says all I have to say.

A world wide moment

2010-10-15T11:41:00.005+02:00

A pic of the sticker Cazpi sent me.

A couple of weeks ago I was reading cazpi's blog and found an entry telling about the world wide moment.

It perked my interest.

So I quickly bounced over to the World Wide Moment website. It was settled. I would take part.

From then on my life build up to that moment, the 10th of the 10th of 2010, 10 past 10 GMT or 10:10 GMT 10 -10 -'10.

I had many ideas of what to take, where to go, how to make an impact. On the day however, we stayed home after a busy couple of days, and I decided to train my lens on my boy.

And then the moment came and hundreds and hundreds of people around the world (day or night, depending where they are) took their cameras and pressed the shutter.

And this was my result:

My boy kicking a goal with his world cup ball.

And at virtually the same moment, hubbie also clicked:

You see, I really took the previous one... :)

It was almost magic. Knowing that for this minute I was part of something bigger...

It is an annual event, since 2007 I believe, so keep an eye on the next moment and be part of it. In the mean time, check out cazpi's wwm pic and browse the wwm10 galleries.

Being nice: the September resolution

2010-09-27T15:37:00.002+02:00


Nice!*

I would like to think that I am a nice person.

Yes, there are times that I am not moon beams and cheese curls, but in general I think I am nice. It seems however that being called nice has almost turned into an insult of late. In movies, the “nice” guy seldom gets the girl. “That’s nice” often is used as a sarcastic remark. “It’s nice” almost borders on meaning mediocre in day to day conversation.

The truth – being nice is something great, something to aspire to.

When did the world become all about standing ovations and gold medals? Why do we often feel there are no points for second best? And why do we believe that being nice is second rate? (I have a theory on why I sometimes fall into this trap, but I would like you to figure this out for yourself.)

So let’s go back to basics, the dictionary. Here follows a few definitions of the word “nice:”

pleasant or pleasing or agreeable in nature or appearance
decent: socially or conventionally correct; refined or virtuous
done with delicacy and skill
courteous: exhibiting courtesy and politeness

I don’t know about you, but things like virtuous, skill and courtesy sounds all good to me.

That’s why I was so pleasantly surprised when I was recently referred to as “the nicest person I’ve never met.”

This from a blog on Wordsmyth, written for Women’s Day, and I can happily say it made my day (Women’s or otherwise). And now, almost 2 months later, it reminds me that “being nice” is a great thing to achieve. The complete entry is as follows:

Suki Lock is the nicest person I’ve never met. I love her blog because she is so committed to getting the most out of life. She’s always positive; she’s always striving to do better and she’s always, always kind. I love her approach to 2010. Over the past eight months, she has set and shared goals aimed at beautifying and improving her life. I always look forward to hearing about her progress and to find out what she’ll get up to next. Her blog reminds me to take in the journey, and for that I’m very grateful. (See original blog post.)

It’s also a little scary to continuously live up to these words, and that’s why it’s my September resolution.

I want to be nice. Always.

*Pic also picked coz @k_r_isis likes it :)

More moon

2010-09-20T16:10:00.001+02:00

It was International Observe the Moon Night this past Saturday. Although threatened by clouds, we still managed to see the moon and show it to anyone interested.

The moon as it was on the night.
Taken with a Canon 350D prime focus mounted on 10inch wide, 1200mm long dobsonion
telescope, f4.8, ISO100, shutter speed: 1/8sec. The photo was taken by my hubbie.

Read and see more about the InOMN on www.psychohistorian.org or the Cape Centre Facebook page.

There you are! Venus and the Moon

2010-09-13T14:45:00.001+02:00

This past Saturday there was a Moon-Venus occultation. There was no dark magic involved, it simply means that the Moon passed in front of the planet Venus, and therefore Venus disappeared from the sky for a while.

Here in Cape Town we were ideally positioned to see this occurrence and hubbie and I was standing by with the camera. Venus moved behind the moon at 14:15 from the dark side of the moon, making it look like it just disappeared from the sky. About an hour and a half later it popped out on the other side.

But, although seeing the occultation itself was very special, the fact that I could see Venus during the day was enough to get me excited. As a friend says, once you’ve seen it for the first time, you want to kick yourself that you've never looked for it before.

The following photos were taken mostly by hubbie, with at least one (possibly two) by me. We used a Canon 350D attached to a 10 inch, 1200mm long dobsonion telescope (f4.8), no tracking (moved by hand from time to time), ISO 100, shutter speed 1/640 in drive mode.

Venus on the dark side of the Moon

Getting closer

Just a slither left

O-oh, where did you go?

Wait, I think I see a speck...

There you are!

Venus on the other side of the Moon

I've taken the images above and added them together for a closer view.

Right to left, close-up of Moon-Venus occultation.
You can't see the moon on 3 of the pics, because the dark
side of the moon just looked like more sky in the daylight.

And in case you didn't know, Venus also has phases, so Venus itself looked like a "half moon."

Day 55 A 365photos challenge update

2010-09-10T15:00:00.018+02:00

I had every intension of taking the time and improving my photography "eye."

Being able to see the shot before it's taken and spot the good shot when I see it.

Okay, so maybe learning that in a week or two is on the ambitious side, but I was hoping to at the very least pay attention. I didn't really. Somewhere along the line I got distracted with astrophotography, and my 365 challenge almost bordered on a chore every now and then.

But that said, I still think I got a few pretty beautiful shots with my Samsung Jet cell phone.

Here are my favourites of the past couple weeks:

Day 39 - Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder - a staged shot

Day 44 - Good morning, sunshine

Day 46 - The streets

Day 50 - Sunset

Day 51 - The field

I'm also very glad to have inspired Lee with this challenge. She has put her own, rather wonderful spin on it and you can find it at Ponderings from the Cape. The link is for Day 1, but she's almost two weeks into it now, and you'll find lovely inspirational quotes and books and links. And of course, photos.

And if you wonder what is a 365 photos challenge: you'll find the answer here :)

August resolution: keeping cool (longer version)

2010-08-31T19:18:00.000+02:00

January: Being happy – I am, you know.
February: Sexy sleep wear – Hubbie says the (very warm) teddy bear one is cute…Will get back on track.
March: Read squash rules – Done and playing again tomorrow morning.
April: Donate clothes - Done. Should probably sort the “maybes” now.
May: Plant flowers – Did it. AND the plant IS still alive.
June: Figuring out “What do I want?” – First list done; will revisit from time to time.
July: 365 photos challenge: Still going strong

August: keeping cool (or: don’t get angry)

The truth is you already know this. My “short version” of the other day would have clued you in. But I do feel the need to expand a little. I’m sure by now you have simply written me off as a “crazy person” - aiming for the impossible.

Maybe. But it’s not about never getting angry (although that would be nice). It’s more about dealing with feelings before they turn into anger.

You see, I’m a “bottle-upper.” I keep calm for a long time, often during major events, and then blow my top when hubbie brings back Coke Zero instead of Coke Light* from the shop.

This I want to change.

What I want to learn to do instead is communicate little annoyances and frustrations at (or close to) the time they occur, before they can sit and stew and become anger. I want to feel my feelings as they happen, but understand and control negative behaviour and hopefully turn it into positive energy.

Coz let’s face it, if I keep my cool I would probably be able to sort out a situation much faster, but also without looking like a raging pregnant woman** whose last Twinkie was stolen.

So this is it, I am trying. And even though I have been frustrated, I haven’t thrown any toys out of my cot this week. And I hope to keep it up.

But before I go, here are two quotes I’ve recently heard that has spoken to me:

From Flash Forward (yes the TV show) – “If you can solve all your problems with money, you are doing pretty good.”

And from Shazzie’s blog – “A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.”

Makes ya think, hey?

*About that. It did happen that hubbie brought home the wrong Coke, but I didn't get angry. Not at all.

**I’m not pregnant, but I’m hoping to be. Soon.

August resolution: keeping cool (short version)

2010-08-27T16:42:00.002+02:00

I'm being tested...

After typing a rather hefty post, my lovely browser decided to crash. I was not worried, because blogger claimed it did save the post. As Murphy would have it, the title and labels where intact, but the complete body: just gone. Add to this the fact that I usually type my blog posts in a word processor and then just paste when I upload, but (of course) today didn't, this would be the perfect time to grab the screen and plunge it through the nearest window.

But, to quote Alanis Morissette, it is a little bit ironic (or maybe just coincidence?), because the missing post was about not getting angry.

No way I can get angry now...

Day39 – A 365photos challenge update

2010-08-25T13:24:00.002+02:00

The 365photos started out as a fun, creative project, but now it would seem that it wants to be more.

The basic rules still apply, take a pic a day, upload to Twitpic. But I am starting to feel that the photos must not just be a happy snappy, but proper photography. And seeing what people out there can do with just a cell phone, I know that I can do better. That said – pics of the cats and kid will still make the cut :)

I’m also very happy to say that @Robi27 has joined the cause. She’s also tagging pics #365photos, so have a look!

Now, a few of my favourites from photos I took over the past two weeks:

Day27 Blue Sky

Day28 Tree

Day32 Lights

Day34 Innocent Hands

And because a self portrait was bound to make its appearance…

Day38 Self Portrait (more extreme phone effects)

I also have to amend my rules a bit.

When I forget (happened once so far on Day 21) then I must simply send in an extra pic the next day.
I will still do blog posts about the challenge, but it will be closer to every 2-3 weeks.

A last thought…

@janaquar asked whether I have themes or topics that guide what I shoot. I haven’t had any so far, but here’s my current idea. When I can’t find a “photographic” pic to take (or the kid won’t stand still), I’ll take a photo to use on my blog, as many of my entries do not have an image at all. So two birds and all that :)

And a last, last thought… (had to be done)

If you have any ideas of how to make the 365photos challenge better, or can come of with a theme or two, please throw them my way, here or on Twitter.

Better go take today's pic, so happy "photographic" snapping!

And then there were none

2010-08-23T11:33:00.004+02:00

When the rain came down yesterday morning, I decided that the Athlone cooling towers had to go down without me. But, as the time drew near, the rain took a break and hubbie and I quickly grabbed the camera, binoculars, telescope and toddler and off we went.

Figuring that since it’s pretty far away, Tygerberg hill would be a good (read quiet) call. It would turn out we were not the only ones with this thought. At 11h30 there were people everywhere. After some double parking to unload, I took the car to a slightly more legal spot and scampered back.

Then we waited.

Shouting. Towers falling. The thunderous sound only hitting a couple of seconds later. Dust. It was all over.

Here are some of the pics Hubbie (@gavlock) took. He used our Canon EOS 350D in drive mode, shutter speed: 1/4000 sec, ISO: 400, attached to a Skywatcher aperture 10 inch, focal length 1200mm telescope.

And in the spirit of my 365photos challenge, I snapped a before and after shot with my cell phone. And yes, I did put a telescope in the way :)

(The black “shadows” in the cell phone pics are because I couldn’t quite get the eye relief right through the eyepiece while trying to hold the phone still. Will have to practice some more.)

Still alive

2010-08-16T12:48:00.000+02:00

This is going to be short, since the title should reveal what I needed to say. (“Still alive” is a song I was introduced to through a computer game, and I will elaborate one day, when our router is replaced and I have more than a very finicky dial-up connection.)

But I will say that we going through one of those periods in life where you stop being surprised when yet another tropical fruit or piece of animal waste hits the fan.

But, to quote a certain little forgetful fish, we keep on swimming, swimming, swimming…

Till next time, wish me luck :)

July: 365 photos challenge

2010-07-26T20:00:00.038+02:00

And it’s July (or almost not anymore), but that’s not the point. The point is my July resolution. But first: a quick overview of the year to date.

January: Being happy – mostly I am, but I have been under some form of stress lately. You know: life.
February: Sexy sleep wear – will need some more to get through the cold, but I’m doing my best.
March: Read squash rules – read it, playing, needed to restring hubbie’s racket after Friday’s game. Woops.
April: Donate clothes - Done.
May: Plant flowers – did it. AND the plant seems to still be alive.
June: Figuring out “What do I want?” – That deserved a post of its own.

So July, another month, another resolution.

The short version: Get creative.

But, as “get creative” is a bit on the vague side and vague often leads to not bothering, I tried to turn it into a task. And this is what I figured:

365 days of photos.

I can’t remember from where this concept first came to my attention. It might have been an idea on the digital photography school website. But more recently I started following @olliegapper on Twitter and something he was doing reminded me of this “project”.

So here are the rules as I remember/understand them.

Take a picture every day for a year.
Put them somewhere people can see them (I think that’s mainly to keep you motivated.)

So I decided to give it a try, but add a few more guidelines to help me be able to realistically complete this challenge and eliminate the “but I didn’t have the time” excuse:

Use my cell phone (Samsung Jet) to take the pictures and only use editing features on my phone to make adjustments.
Upload it to Twitpic every day, as I can send it easily and directly from my phone.
Blog about it once a week. This was @SharonDes1’s idea. And I will do my bestest to stick to it.

Okay, so today is Day 9 and so far so good, although I did realise that I’ll have to add 2 more guidelines:

If the battery runs flat, I can use hubbie’s iPhone (like Day 7) and
If I’m out of cell reception (does happen sometimes) I must still take the pic, and upload as soon as I’m back in “civilisation” :)

Edit: More giudelines, from day 39

When I forget (happened once so far on Day 21) then I must simply send in an extra pic the next day.
I will still do blog posts about the challenge, but it will be closer to every 2-3 weeks.

So, what am I hoping to gain from this?

To see the world again, better my photo skills, to break through creative boundaries and improve all aspects of my creative endeavours, and (this is a big one) have fun.

Wish me luck. If you want to keep an eye on my progress, follow me on Twitter, or just bounce straight to my Twitpic page. I’ll be adding the tag #365photos to tweets and photos that are part of the challenge.

Hopefully in a year’s time I can look back at this experience, not only saying that I have completed it, but that I learnt something. And I’ll have the “memories” to prove it…

(P.S. The pic above is "Day 5", my favourite of the week.)

The kinda answer to "So what do I want?"

2010-07-26T16:29:00.002+02:00

My June resolution was to make an attempt at figuring out what I want. I didn’t think I’ll be able to get the answer in as short a time as a month, but it was about making a start. Taking the first step.

What do I want?

I want to be happy...

· Not fight

· Let go

· Be myself

· Have confidence

I want my family to be happy...

· Spend time together, do things together

· Listen and pay attention

· Be supportive

· Cook well

I want to feel good about myself...

· Take care of my appearance

· Define my style

· Work on my body image

· Lose weight

· Get fitter

I want to live well...

· De-clutter

· Decorate our home

· Use the space and storage

· Do gardening

I want to feel like I have accomplished something...

· Get published (my own thoughts on paper, as I am online on Parent24.com and have my name on a couple of school text books)

· Do art (photography, painting, drawing)

· Write music and home record a CD

· Finish projects that I start :)

I want to grow my business...

· Show confidence in my skills

· Learn new skills

· Advertise and get the work

· Make use of social networks

· Charge what I am worth

· Have good work relationships and communication

· Have an office I'm proud of

And I guess it can’t be complete without

· Make more money

So there it is: the first step. This list will probably change as I continue on my life quest, but what do they say about putting things in writing? I don’t remember, but it’s out there now.

By the way, I found a coat. Not quite kick ass, but a good start.

Last two

2010-07-13T16:16:00.001+02:00

I went to a Callenetics class this morning, sucked in by the description: slow, controlled and small movements, focused on body conditioning and toning.

Let me tell you this in no uncertain terms: There is nothing slow about it!

It was: "It's cold today so we need to do a good warm-up" legs touching the nose; many many many repetitions from the get go. But I did learn a few things:

(As mentioned) there was nothing slow about it.
When the Callenetics chick says last two repetitions, she actually means, last two SETS of repetitions. That's 2 x 8 = 16 reps. And this after all the previous reps you thought you couldn't get through anyway.
I now cannot feel my legs.
After Callenetics chick has finished with your legs, you look forward to crunches.
I can feel my arms. I feel pain in my arms.
The movements may be small, but they still burn.
Exercise is really unfair while you carry extra pounds, coz you have to lift those extra pounds.
If this doesn't tone, I don't know what will.

Okay, done ranting, I actually did enjoy the class (Callenetics chick is really helpful) and I am planning to become a regular. But it does look like I'll have to do some fitness training so that I can attend my fitness class...

So what do I want? The June resolution.

2010-06-25T13:16:00.000+02:00

Update:
January: Being happy – more happy than not (except yesterday, which was a sad day).
February: Sexy sleep wear – got nice winter ones.
March: Read squash rules – read it, been sick and not playing, will start next week again.
April: Donate clothes - Done.
May: Plant flowers - see pic below. (Was planted last day of May - still counts!)

And so we get to June

And yes, I realise that we have almost made it through this month of June, but the resolution is intact, because I have already started on it. So, you say, get to the point: what do you want for June?

Well. That's exactly it. What do I want for June? What do I want for any month of the year? What do I want from life?

What do I want?

So I started looking at this question. And I'm even trying to answer it. And it's during the answering that I realised this is not something you complete in a month. But because of the potential scope, it is something we often side step. Ignore. Hide from.

And 20 years later we "happily" complain about not having what we want, but we never really tried to find out what it is we wanted in the first place.

So I've started. I am trying.

I doubt that I will be able to give a definitive answer, but I'm willing to give it a shot. And maybe I'll figure a few things out. Maybe I'll take another step on this "Life Quest" I find myself on.

One thing I do know: I want a kick ass, down to the ground, goth (and therefore preferably black), warm, (did I mention kick ass?) coat.

It's a start...

The light side

2010-06-14T13:23:00.000+02:00

In my previous post I was feeling a little sad about the state of the world around me, but even though I am not a day-to-day soccer fan, the FIFA World Cup has put a spring in my step.

I wasn't near a stadium on Friday, but we trotted down to our local Dros (a restaurant, but more importantly a restaurant with TVs) and settled with the other patrons, ready for the opening match between South Africa and Mexico. There were flags, vuvuzelas, badges and soccer shirts (mostly green and yellow) where ever you looked.

There were singing, clapping, gasps, blowing of vuvuzelas, the shouting of "off-side" (possibly randomly) and cheering.

The whole place was filled with spirit. With cooperation. With love. With support.

And although it would have been nice if it ended in victory for South Africa, an end result of 1-1 was not all that bad.

Now, if we are being honest, I was in the minority, wearing black rather than green and yellow. But I'm Goth, and green and yellow are simply not colours you'll find anywhere in my wardrobe. But not far into the match I borrowed a headband with two little SA flags sticking up like antennae. Cool? Doubt it. Sexy? No.

Exactly what I should have been wearing at that specific moment? Yes.

Because it is not soccer that brings us together as a country. It is our willingness to show our support of one another, even if it makes you look like a black bug with flags sticking out of your head.

And it is great.

The flags from the buildings and cars, the mirror flags (I've got those too) football Friday and so many other ways we as country are showing our support makes me want to do that little dance.

I'm ready now, I got some green and yellow clip-in highlights for my hair. I think it would look just lovely against the black. And I've created a South African "Wave your flag" twitter background (download here), not just because I can. Because I wanted to.

And then there's the vuvuzelas. I don't need to say much about it, Running Wolf, SoccerBlog, 6000 and so many others have already said what needed to be said. But if you really want to know, I don't mind it that much. Yes, I would prefer that no one aim one directly at my inner ear and after say 23h00 till about 08h00 I also do not appreciate them much, but listening to the hum of thousands of vuvuzelas: that I actually find quite calming.

Hell, we even bought one yesterday...

The dark side

2010-05-31T17:36:00.000+02:00

I think I might be a little naive.

Of course I am aware that in many aspects of life I am blissfully ignorant, which is why I may never be "successful". To quote Mark Twain: "To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence." I know I do not always have the confidence required, and by knowing I lack ignorance. I just can't win.

But back to the point.

I think I might be a little naive. You see, I know about the violence and crime in South Africa, but have been able to focus on the beauty and potential. I know that not everyone is good, but I also know that not everyone is bad, and I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.

But while planting some flowers this afternoon, I had one of our neighbours stop by for a chat. Most of the chat was about burglaries, car theft, abductions and rape, the first two recently happening in our street. My street. My beautiful South African street.

Shattered.

I know of the dark side. I just wish it didn't know of my South Africa. I wish it wasn't anywhere on this earth. But alas, maybe I am not naive enough.

Ramsay’s kitchen nightmares?

2010-05-18T12:07:00.009+02:00

Yesterday I followed a link to a Food24 page with details of Gordon Ramsay’s restaurant, Maze. The link was tweeted by @SamWilson1 commenting on the bad reviews following the dinner on Friday night.

I read through many of the comments, and slowly I also started to form an opinion. I wasn’t at the dinner, but have a twitter friend that was thrilled to meet Mr. Ramsay at the Good Food and Wine Show at the CTICC: “it was awesome! I got him to autograph my book "Get the **** out of my kitchen".

(Thanks @Janaquar for the pic.)

So these are my thoughts, but first some background.

Gordon Ramsay is one of the chefs who appeared at the Good Food and Wine Show at the CTICC last weekend, and people seem happy with the R300 (including Food Show entry) to watch him in the Chefs in Action Theatre.

On Friday night there was a charity dinner at Maze (R1500 pp), where diners were let to believe they would be interacting with Mr. Ramsay and have a Question and Answer session. This did not happen, and Gordon Ramsay was only there for a few minutes at the beginning of the evening. Most of the comments on the site show great loyalty to Mr. Ramsay, mentioning that he had a full day at the Food Show and was tired. Some also blame Gourmet SA for false advertising and one says they saw Mr. Ramsay the next day, asked him about it, and he never agreed to the promises made by Gourmet SA.

Some of the comments do seem to have lost faith, as Mr. Ramsay was spotted at the door of a night club in Cape Town (where he was turned away because he was dressed too casually) on Friday night and in a club in Claremont until around 4h30 the Saturday morning: “.. so was he that tired? we should of perhaps all gone there... saved R1500 WHAT A JOKE!!!”

Although I agree that public appearances can be very tiring (just walking around the Food Show on Sunday made me pretty tired) and it could be true that Gordon Ramsay never agreed the Question and Answer session at Maze, surely the man has some inkling that he is a celebrity chef. And with celebrity, comes public, let’s call it, love.

Gordon Ramsay wants people to buy his books, watch his TV shows and eat at his restaurants. And as he himself is the (very successful) brand, he should have figured out by now that if he is said to be cooking a charity dinner at his restaurant, people are not coming for the charity, they are coming for him and his food.

So even if he was unaware of what was advertised, he should have been smart enough to show his face a few times. According to one comment “a simple table to table whip around between one of the courses would have been sufficient.”

R1500 for a table whip around? Wow, this man is well loved.

It does seem that Gourmet SA is taking much of the blame and possibly rightly so, but reading comments beyond those of Friday night’s dinner, you realise that all is not sunshine at Maze. Comments about the opening night seem rather dire, with steak served well-done (and defended). So maybe Gordon Ramsay supporters will one day get to see the man more up close and personal, when he has to come and make a TV show about saving his restaurant. You know: new simpler menu, quicker turnaround, smaller plates, a new sign and maybe a coat of paint.

Oh, stop groaning, you’ve seen the show, you were thinking the same…

A first try

2010-05-13T15:27:00.012+02:00

We went on a stargazing weekend to the Cederberg Observatory last weekend. The weather was kind, although cold, and we had clear skies the two nights we were there.

So I decided to try my hand at astrophotography.

I didn't think it would be easy - but what I didn't realise is that taking the photo is just the first part. The processing afterwards is as important.

So you can imagine my disappointment when I opened the pics on my computer and mostly saw black with a dot here and there. And as I am very much a beginner at taking and processing star photos, these are not the best you'll find on the web even after processing, but I gave it a shot and will hopefully just get better and better and better and better...

(All ISO400, f5.6, taken between 21h00 and 03h00 )

The belt and sword of Orion, just before they set.
Canon EOS 350D standard lens, 5 second exposure, processed in PhotoShop.

The Large Magellanic Cloud, a neighbouring galaxy (fuzzy blob).
Canon EOS 350D standard lens, 30 second exposure, processed in PhotoShop.

Scorpius
Canon EOS 350D standard lens, 40 second exposure, processed in PhotoShop.

The area around Crux. You can see the Southern Cross near the centre of the picture.
Canon EOS 350D standard lens, 30 second exposure, processed in PhotoShop.

Star trails around the South Celestial Pole (South in the sky).
Canon EOS 350D standard lens, 20 minute exposure, processed in PhotoShop.

Saturn. Hubbie took this as one of a range of images to be stacked and processed. This is just one of those frames to give you an idea, as he hasn't had time to work on it yet.
Canon EOS 350D, 10 inch dob, less than a second exposure, not processed.

May resolution

2010-05-12T10:58:00.001+02:00

Update:
January: Being happy – had some less than shiny feelings lately. Getting better.

February: Sexy sleep wear – mostly good, but need something nice for the colder nights.

March: Read squash rules – did it, still confused, but still playing.

April: Donate clothes to charity – did it with a photo finish on the last day of April, but it’s done.

Now for May: Plant some flowers. Not making promises they’ll grow.

If you know me, you will also know I have the absolute worst luck with growing plants. I have the extreme super power of black fingers. Plants come near me and simply give up as this is better than the death than awaits them if they actually let me try and take care of them.

But it’s not all bad. We started a veggie garden a few months ago, and most of the plants are doing well. I only killed Fennel, Coriander, Tomatoes (but they had a very small chance of survival) and 2 of 8 Marigold plants (see, 6 are still doing well). But after having pizza topped with veggies from our garden (best pizza ever!), and last night curry with veggies from our garden, I think I am ready to try the flower thing again.

I have some flower seed mix that can with some imagination be planted it May (it says Autumn on the packet) so, while it is still May, I will endeavour to get them in the ground. And with the rain lending a hand there might even be a chance they’ll survive, coz it is likely I’ll forget to water them. Then again the cold could kill them (if I don’t first), but it is a chance I’ll have to take.

So here I go. Hopefully in Spring I can report an array of beautiful flowers in my front garden. If I don’t mention them, maybe rather don’t ask…

To the moon and beyond

2010-05-06T09:40:00.005+02:00

There are some things in life that you cannot really plan for. Things that make you think: “Man, that would be cool!” but in truth you don’t believe it could ever be a reality.

Things like owning an island or controlling a NASA rover.

Well, last night I took control of a NASA rover. Yes, I am serious.

The SAAO (South African Astronomical Observatory) organised an uplink to the NASA lunar exploration guys in California and as members of the Cape Centre “Astroclub”, hubbie and I was able to attend the demonstration. Via Skype we were introduced to the NASA guys and then introduced to Max Rover. Now, Max isn’t one of the lunar rovers, but rather created to explore areas on earth that is less than friendly to humans. Like the middle of the desert. But don’t let this fool you. A lot of what is learnt by developing rovers like Max is what will put a rover on the moon. And getting back onto the moon is what is aimed for.

When we met Max he was in a 4m x 4m test box with fine sand and a couple of (ill-placed) rocks somewhere in California. Shortly after the Skype video was exchanged for a view from Max’s onboard camera. And then the voice from America drifted into the room: “So, are you ready to take control?” Boy, were we ready.

Hubbie got first try. We controlled Max via internet connection, and in the process you have anything from a 0.5 second to a 4 second delay. This is actually rather appropriate, because operators of moon rovers will be faced by a 4 second delay, because that is how long a radio wave round trip to the moon is. We used a joystick and were able to control the camera (effectively 360 degrees and somewhat up and down) as well as drive the rover. Now, if you have not figured it our already: a 4 second delay (and a silly internet connection dropping out much too often) seriously screws with your ability to know where you are. Add to that the fact that you are looking via an onboard camera that could be pointing anywhere, displayed on a laptop screen, it gets rather complicated. Also keep in mind that you can’t see the rover. You can only see what the rover sees. None the less, hubbie did a great job, only bumping into a rock once.

Then some of the other guys got turns and we were told by the NASA guys (watching the rover move on their side) that we were doing well, since they haven’t had to dig it out for any of us. In response Pierre did spin a mini crater with dust flying, but still didn’t get stuck.

Then Peter Martinez (Head: Space Science & Technology at SAAO) announced that there was time for one more.

Usually I am a bit afraid to step up. What if someone else wanted to do it? Maybe I’ll make a fool of myself? But after the obligatory 3-4 second delay, I got up. I took control. Kinda.

It is harder than my gamer hubbie made it look. A room full of people watching you and knowing the NASA guys are on the other side also does not help. And the delay does really mess with you. You push the joystick forward and nothing happens. So you let go just to see the rover making his way over the sand now that you are doing nothing. So you pan the camera around to get your bearings, put it back on facing forward (if the camera was pointing somewhere other than forward or back I really lost it) and try to judge how long to move the rover without actually seeing it do anything. Then stop and watch it go. Then you pan around again. Make it move a little. Pan. Move. Get cocky.

End up on a rock.

“Not sure how you managed that,” the American voice said.

“Woman driver,” I had to admit.

“Okay now drive straight back, no! correction drive straight forward.”

I can only imagine what poor little Max look like on top of his rock. But we did manage to get him off safely without someone having to get in the box and pull him out. And I will stick to my story; I was testing his climbing ability…

So now I am at one of those points of my life where I realise I just did something really cool. I controlled a NASA rover in California via uplink from Cape Town. Really cool. It feels like I should tick it off some kind of list. So here goes:

101 things I did before I died

1. Control a NASA rover

Looking forward to the other 100.

April Resolution

2010-04-12T10:09:00.003+02:00

Resolutions so far this year:

January = being happy. This nearly derailed last night when my one year old got hold of my phone and somehow thought mommy would just love teeth marks over the touch screen. The worst of it, I can't be angry with the teething one year old, I have to be angry with myself for not putting the bloody phone out of reach. Deep breath. I'm back. Smile. Happy.

February = sexy sleepwear. After painting the bedroom wall in my silk nighty and getting purple paint over it I'm not sure it quite counts as sexy, but at least there are no hello kitties in sight.

March = read rules of squash. I came, I read, I'm more confused than ever.

So we get to April and I feel in the giving mood. Therefore...

April resolution = donate unused clothes to charity.

Now before you start patting me on the back (but please get that itchy spot below the right shoulder blade while you are there), I actually have already cleared out my closet (apart from the skeletons), washed and sorted through too big, too small, too not black, too bought by my mother when I was twelve and placed them into bags of various colours and sizes.

Stop being impressed. I did that months ago.

And they are still sitting at the door of my bedroom. (See, I don't look so shiny anymore, now do I?)

It's not that I don't want to donate them. It's just that as I very rarely walk out of the front door, but more bolt with a baby in the one hand while still trying to put on large amounts of black eyeliner with the other, bags of clothing simply stay at the bedroom door.

Now over the months the contents has become less (no, no, I don't go dig in it for that mini skirt I thought I looked "oh so fab" in when I was sixteen), I just hand out as knocks on the door are followed by someone in need.

So one could argue that I don't need to go and formally hand it over at a charity as it is reaching those in need. Fine, you got me: I am selfish.

But is it really so horrible that I want to walk into my bedroom without having to clamber over bags of clothes? Especially if it does benefit others as a side effect?

I think not.

An ode to my hubbie

2010-03-30T12:20:00.003+02:00

(Ode - according to en.wiktionary.org: A short poetical composition proper to be set to music or sung; a lyric poem; esp., now, a poem characterized by sustained noble sentiment and appropriate dignity of style.

So apart from the sentiment this isn't really an ode at all. Oh well. )

Yesterday I watched my weekly fix of Grey’s Anatomy and House. Both shows referred to Thanks Giving. Now, here in SA we don’t celebrate a specific Thanks Giving day, but as we are approaching Easter, I figure today is as good a day as any to count my blessings. And as so many times before there is one “thing” that often comes to the foreground.

Hubbie.

Hubbie and I have been married for about six and a half years. And looking back over this time, it confirms we have a good life together. Both of us have grown over the years, for the better I believe. We have grown together, grown closer.

There is a problem though.

I can’t tell him about anything that I want, coz he will make a plan to get it for me.

Okay, so it’s not a “bad” problem that I have, but it’s a problem none the less. I am almost afraid to show interest in anything, because low and behold, the next Christmas or birthday or time I burst out in tears coz I dropped an expensive glass whatever, Hubbie shows up with XYZ I mentioned some time ago to make me feel better.

It reminds me of the song “Hey Leonardo (She Likes Me For Me)” by Blessid Union Of Souls

And she don't care that I can fly her
To places she ain't never been
But if she really wants to go
I think deep down she knows that
All she has to say is when

I don’t even have to say “when”.

This does not mean it has to be extravagant (though it can be).

Like the time I was both sad and happy that I managed not to binge eat while feeling depressed. I was feeling happy because I kept my greedy jaws shut. I was sad because I didn’t experience that moment of joy that comfort eating brings during my bouts of depression. So hubbie came home with diabetic chocolate, so that I could still pretend to have a choccie binge.

This of course was such a beautiful gesture that I ended up crying even more.

Yes, yes, I know – pathetic. (But hubbie loves me anyway.)

When I tell him about the guilt I feel from all I receive from him, he just laughs and tries his best to convince me that I bring plenty to the table. I say ‘tries”, because I’m not easily convinced. I know it’s not a one-way relationship, but I am also a self-deprecating kind of person and struggle to accept a compliment. (I am working on this and getting better.)

So, to get to the moral of the story…

I love my husband and am extremely blessed to have him in my life. I am a better person when he’s around. So instead of feeling bad and guilty and “sorry-that-I-live” when he gives me a gift, I will rather try to accept it with grace, because he believes I’m worth it. And if he believes it, I must be (she tells herself with forced confidence).

But just to be certain he knows how much he means to me, I’ll also do my best to learn to play bass guitar well (Christmas present) as well as get at least good enough to not kill myself when I skateboard (birthday present.)

(To Hubbie: I <3 you)

March resolution

2010-03-05T10:27:00.003+02:00

Quick update:

January resolution: being happy > going well
February resolution: wear sexy sleepwear > started off well, but decided to opt for no-sleepwear in this heat.

Now for March:

Read the rules for squash.

Hubbie and I started playing on and off towards the end of last year, and have now fallen into a regular pattern. I really enjoy it, and for the first time in a long time I don't even mind the fact that it is (dare I say it) exercise.

But, even though I enjoy it and could be worse at it, I have never even bothered to read the rules. Hubbie has, and probably won't lie to me (I'm not sure how competitive he really is), but if you are gonna get up earlier in the morning to regularly take part in some form of sport, I think you should at the very least peruse the Wikipedia entry.

So that's the plan.

Wish me luck.

WTF

2010-02-26T14:39:00.004+02:00

WARNING: Excessive use of the word: "Fuck".

Found this on a friend's blog yesterday and immediately felt it had to be shared with the world. So off to Twitter I bounced.

Except that sending the tweet was harder than I initially thought.

If you where brave, and clicked the link above, you would have realised that the "joke" is based on an understanding of WTF - or then, What The Fuck.

So when tweeting the link, I was going to put down "What The Fuck" and the link. Except that I couldn't get myself to do it.

My fingers refused to add the u.c.k after the F.

Now please understand that I do not have a problem with others using "fuck" and will personally use it in a sentence probably at least once a day. (The sentence being: "Fuck!") I know it is not the politest of words, but then again, we don't use it to be nice. That said, other than being crude, there is technically nothing wrong with saying "fuck." It is not a sin.

What I find worse than someone using "fuck" is someone "not" using "fuck."

You know what I mean. Things like: F***. Fcuk. Effing. Ef. Fudge. Ef-You-See-Kay, even. Oh, and then the made-up swear words like, "oh my biggityboops" or when people SAY: "Oh, F dot dot dot". Use it, or don't, but this hanging between two worlds, not on people.

But even so, when it comes to typing "fuck" I have issues. Leaving (character on screen or pen mark on paper) proof of my "fuck"-usage, just doesn't sit right with me.

So after chickening out yesterday and simply putting WTF in the tweet, I did a bit of soul searching (this IS a life quest after all) and came to the conclusion that if I am willing to say it, I must be willing to write it.

In a way put my money where my (dirty) mouth is.

So, as you may have noticed (or may not have, really depends on the type of person you are), I decided to go for it. So here it is (read quickly before I lose my nerve):

FUCK

Sigh. I think that was it. I am now even going to try to use it less after stumping my toe or dropping a dozen eggs on the floor. Maybe I'll even become a "biggytyboops" or "effing" person. Who knows, it's only just after three on a Friday afternoon now, anything can happen.

But before I put this whole thing to rest, please, oh please-please, do not use the Afrikaans version anywhere I can hear or read it. "Fuck" simply sounds too much like what you are trying to say in Afrikaans.

So (please once again), stay away from "vok" unless you are doing-it to Koos Kombuis.

For fuck's sake.

For love or money

2010-02-19T15:57:00.009+02:00

“Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money.” - Moliere

I came across this quote in this past week and it immediately grabbed my attention. I guess it felt especially relevant since I recently started whoring my writing. In a way that is why I started this blog. To keep it pure. Uninfluenced by "what sells" and rather driven by something deeper: verbal diarrhoea.

A place where I can spew, well, anything.

Yet I am wondering about the statement. Does Moliere state that because we sell, we cannot love? Or can we love while making a buck on the side? And don't you just love how "friends" sits smack bang between love and money.

But there are (as usual) two (at least) sides to this tale.

If I love, I want to do more with that love and somehow that "doing more" usually ends up with some form of remuneration.

Let's look at an example:

I love to paint. I paint all the time. I end up with a 100 paintings.
I give them to friends, coz I have no more space it the house. I have 55 friends.
I'm left with 45 paintings. What do I do? Throw them away? No, I LOVE them! So I hang 25 in the house and sell the rest. (Or at least try to sell the rest.)

Add to that another quote, something like: If you love what you do you will never work another day in your life, who can blame us for making a buck while doing what we love.

But then there is the other side.

The side filled with deadlines and specific briefs and American vs British spelling and you get to the point where you forget why you loved, or maybe even that you loved.

So if I reach that point; the point where writing only brings money and no more love, there will be only one way to go:

Take the money and find a new love.

P.S No I don't really have a 100 paintings, so please stop asking :)

Toodles teddy bears

2010-02-15T14:22:00.006+02:00

Okay, okay.

So being happy is so far a resolution I seem to be able to mostly keep. But ya know, it's a pretty big resolution. So I decided to have a few smaller ones.

One of them, more by necessity than exact choice, is to be better with plants. Hubbie and I planted the first crops of our new veg and herb garden (nope, not an euphemism), which means that if I would like to live the dream of eating a homemade pizza topped with homemade veggies and herbs, I better get all green fingery. Not something I am by birth.

But that aside, my resolution for February is this: Sexy sleepwear.

Stop looking so confused.

Sexy sleepwear.

I know that hubbie will love me always and always, purple nighty covered in teddy bears and all, but I want to feel sexier.

Do you remember that scene in Memoirs of a Geisha where she made the chap fall off his bicycle with a single look? Now I'm not looking to make people fall off anything, but as cute as my teddy bears are, not very empowering.

The sad thing is, teddy bears don't even make me feel like a naughty school girl. Naughty school girl I could still work with. But nearing 30, should I still be wearing sleepwear my mommy gave me?

I think not.

So tonight I am wearing pink semi-see-through negligee to bed. And before you think I am desperate to score I'm not.

Teddy bears work just fine for that :)

To hubbie: Sorry if I shared too much information. I'm not sure if you wanted everyone to know we are gardeners...

What do I want?

2010-02-09T13:40:00.007+02:00

On Sunday night I met up with some friends to have silly conversations and eat too much sushi (if there is such a thing).

At some point the conversation got serious. My friend across the table from me stated that turning 40 in a few weeks time actually is a big thing for her. That "40" is really the first time an age seems to matter.

Of course, I'll be turning 30 about 2 weeks earlier, and although I don't see it as old, I do ask myself what I have to show for it.

And now, after a fun (partly serious) evening with old (that's long-time) friends, I suddenly feel like an idiot for asking.

What do I need to show?

Do I want to sky-dive or climb Kilimanjaro?
I have sky-dived and my sister climbed that specific mountain, so I guess that's covered.

Do I want to be famous?
Well, 2 (maybe even 3) people read this blog, so close enough.

Do I want to be rich?
Sure.

But why this drive to say: "well done" and give ourselves a gold star? Do we really need to be the best or the smartest or the prettiest or the most successful? Can't we forget for a moment about what the world says we should want and just focus on what we actually want? If it is to be the best or the smartest or the prettiest or the most successful, than great for you, go for it...

...but the truth is (as my new year's resolution stated): I want to be happy.

And you know, I am getting there.

:)

A new day

2010-02-04T15:44:00.005+02:00

Yesterday I stood astonished at how stupid people can be, today I am amazed at what my 1 year old can do.

Although, I must admit, when reading dorothy black's post yesterday, I did feel a bit useless. I mean seriously, how much does a 13 year old need to accomplish?

But after a few moments of simply "giving up" and contemplating in which corner it would be the best to sit and wallow in my sorrows, I was suddenly filled with new motivation for my life quest.

This morning I vacuumed my home office, great things must be coming.

Can you feel it?

Aaaaargh!

2010-02-03T14:13:00.002+02:00

Today is one of those days.

So rather than rant on about how stupid people can be, how I hate to be made out the bad guy, and how sometimes I wish I had the power to put everything around me in suspended animation and just SCREAM, I am just gonna stop.

More stuck?

2010-01-29T12:34:00.002+02:00

Didn't think it could happen, but I have now reached a point where I don't even really have anything to say.

Yes, me, nothing to say.

-----, -- ---- ----- -- ----- --- ----- ----, -----!

Nothing.

Stuck

2010-01-25T14:12:00.005+02:00

It always works this way.

The closer I get to doing something new - making a change in my life - the further I seem to go from doing it.

Suddenly I have a lot of work demands. Suddenly I'm tired all the time. Suddenly tears start streaming down my cheeks when watching the silliest advert. Suddenly everything seems to stand in the way, and the goal just seems completely out of reach.

None of these are particularly conducive to change.

So I'm stuck. Again.

Deep breath.

Get back in your box!

2010-01-20T23:13:00.000+02:00

Attending a talk about the length of a day and how time is measured earlier this evening, I must admit that time for me seemed to be passing rather slowly. A talk of about an hour can feel incredibly long when trying to hide how tired you feel. (Note to the presenter of the talk: I would have been yawing no matter the subject.)

One comment that stuck with me though, is the following quote: These bloody men are all the same; they are all flaming different. I don't remember who originally made this statement, but hearing it did bring a smile to my face.

The human race seems to be most comfortable when everything and everyone is neatly classified, nicely placed into a box. Many of us are quite comfortable in our box, the rest of us struggle day in and day out to make a difference, usually just ending up in the next box.

Does this mean that we should stop trying to get out of our boxes?

No.

It simply means that we should start to care less about what box others think we belong in.

Besides, boxes are not all bad, and it's amazing what a coat of paint can do.

Here's to the new year

2010-01-18T14:05:00.006+02:00

I may have mentioned before, that somehow this year just wouldn't start for me. I did new years, lifted my glass (although it was 7 minutes past the hour) and even made a resolution: being happy.

So I had high hopes for the weekend past. Our holiday for the year transition existed out of a whirlwind astronomical tour. With way too much luggage (sprogs need a lot of crap) we boarded the bus on Friday morning and put foot on Cape Town soil last night again.

I am tired as hell this day. As stars are viewed at night (with exception of our sun of course) and I have now learnt that my sproglet hardly sleeps* during the day while on tour, I think the excessive yawning on my part can be forgiven.

The bad news: I can't become a proper astronomer**, and I so badly want to today.

The good news: Even through my sleepy eyes I think I can see this new year at last.

So I lift my glass one more time: Happy New Year!

* He must have been seriously tired though, coz he has been sleeping (and is still) for a couple of hours today. More than his usual afternoon naps.

** I say proper astronomer, as I definitely am an amateur astronomer. And don't feel too bad for me. I do love being a designer/writer, and have realised that there is scope for me to do a lot more in the astronomy field as well. Yay!

Oh right, that's what it's about

2010-01-13T10:40:00.003+02:00

Since this is my blog, I guess I can write about whatever I want. Yes? Yes.

The thing is, in the end the title I chose is Life Quest (and other stuff) and NOT Other Stuff (and life quest). I seemed to have forgotten this a little, so here goes an attempt to get back on track.

(Deep breath, here I go.)

What do I want from life?

Happiness: definitely.
Wealth: enough to be comfortable.
Cheese: of course.

Is that it? Should that be it? How do I get it?

Mmmm, time to dust of the cobwebs from my cranial cavity and do some thinking.

What do they say... Have you ever stopped to think and forgot to start again?

My new issue

2010-01-11T16:25:00.005+02:00

I subscribe to a couple of different newsletters. Photography, web coding, cooking, music and babies are just some of the subjects I can expect to find snuggling up in my inbox.

But when I signed up for a new design newsletter I got a little more than I bargained for. Okay, so not really, the content itself is actually about design, but what (of course) caught my eye was the subject proudly displayed between all the other new emails fighting for my attention.

It read: Your new issue.

Mmmm, I wondered. What could my new issue possibly be? Self-confidence? Body-image? The size of my feet? Besides, if there is one thing in this world I do not need help with, it is latching onto a new issue.

So thanks, the design info is great, but in future I will continue to handle my own new issues.

I’ll be handling my old ones as well, so don’t get any ideas.

Busy day for lawyers

2010-01-08T11:14:00.001+02:00

I read on fellow blogger Shell’s blog that today is the busiest day for divorce lawyers.

The quote reads:
A study has shown that January 8th is the busiest day of the year for divorce lawyers when up to one in five couples will enquire about divorce after the pressures of Christmas. The enforced intimacy of Christmas, coupled with the start of a new year is thought to be the main trigger. The other peak in the year is after the summer holidays. Adultery, lack of sex, abuse and boredom were the main causes of divorce enquiries. Studies show that fewer than 40% of those who divorce will be happier.
Daily Telegraph 8th January 2007

It really doesn’t help that in SA Christmas/new year and summer holidays just happen to be at the same time.

But,

I am thankful to say that this year I will not be visiting the lawyer’s office. Partly because I still don’t have a car and there is no way I’m walking in this heat, but mostly because hubbie and I are in a really good place. Combine that with my new year’s resolution of happiness, and we seem to be safe for another year. (Melodramatically wipes forehead.)

But sadly, after a quick Google session, it seems like we are not out of the danger zone just yet. I found the following: More couples will decide to divorce on January 12 than any other day, lawyers claim. This from the UK Telegraph 2008. So in one year the divorce has been delayed for 4 days. Mmmm, another 88 or so years and maybe we’ll make it through the year.

More seriously,

I find it terribly sad that a time that should be filled with joy is the time that can be the final straw. And did you notice from the quote that more than 60% of those people will still be unhappy? Unhappy and now also alone.

So my wish for this year is that we take time to remember why we decided to get married in the first place, make sure that we pay attention to each other and grow together, rather than apart.

Soppy, I know, but so be it.

Today’s gonna be a good good day

2010-01-06T10:58:00.000+02:00

There are some songs you instantly like. You hear the first opening notes of the intro and your ears tingle in anticipation of what is to come. Then there are the songs you instantly despise. You hear the first notes and in an attempt of self protection you cover your ears with your hands and mumble, my ears are bleeding, my ears are bleeding.

Then there’s the other type. The grow-on-you type.

Upon first listen you might think: what colour of crap is this? But as time passes, you find yourself humming along when it comes on the radio, and before you know it you are belting it out in the shower.

I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas is one of those songs.

I gotta feeling...
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night

And it has reached the point where it not only reinforces the possibility of a good good night. I have even cunningly adapted it for daytime use.

Thank you, Black Eyed Peas.

Bitch - very friendly

2010-01-04T17:59:00.003+02:00

While waiting in the car for hubby to grab some essentials from our corner shop, I noticed the following poster:

Found. Tan Staffie.
Bitch. Very friendly.
Call...

Bitch. Very friendly.

Now that's something I can aspire to.

Flawless groove

2009-12-31T09:24:00.006+02:00

Happiness can come in many different forms. It does not need to be complicated. It is okay (and often needed) to find joy in the most simplistic of places.

Like hitting every one of the 338 notes in the medium level for bass of Rock band on the iPhone, for the song All the small things by Blink 182.

I did that this morning. A flawless groove.

It can be something that simple that sets the tone for the rest of the day. Something that simple that make problems seem dim.

Something that simple can show you that you have not crossed to the dark side, that life still holds hope.

Quite fitting that the song is called All the small things, don't you think.

Mastering the art of French cooking

2009-12-29T17:30:00.003+02:00

I have no business attempting any recipe that does not have a picture. The reason for this is that I do not have the ability to follow a recipe. I usually have every intention to follow it, but somehow I always end up putting my own twist on things. If there is a picture, I at least have an idea what I'm working towards, and can fake it at the end.

This is why I should not own the book: Mastering the art of French cooking, but as I am sure so many other soft hearted movie goers did, after leaving the cinema watching Julie and Julia, I found myself in a bookstore, with a (thankfully) cheaper reprint for release with the movie. (It's all marketing baby.)

So, at this very minute, there is an approximation of Julia Child, Louisette Bertholle and Simone Beck's Boeuf Bourguignon in our oven.

"Do you you know what Boeuf Bourguignon is?" My husband asked somewhat patronisingly when announced it being on the dinner menu. "Some form of beef stew?" I said/asked while flipping through the pages of the pictureless book. "Good," he said, "I was afraid you thought it was fancier because it's French."

Glad we cleared that up.

So the beef stew in red wine, with bacon, onions and mushrooms (currently still minus the onions and mushrooms) is in the oven, and there are a whole lot of onions being braised on the stove. In a little bit I will attempt the sauteed mushrooms. The recipe ask for fresh and well dried mushrooms. I have a can of sliced mushrooms in brine.

You can see where this is going.

I wish you a Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T15:48:00.002+02:00

May you have a blessed Christmas, filled with hope, joy and love.

And if you are traveling, please do so safely.

To protect and serve

2009-12-23T13:04:00.005+02:00

I don't have much to say today. Well I do, but saying it will dilute what I really want to say, which is:

Thank you.

Thank you to hubbie's mom and brother for getting up at 2 in the morning to come assist us where our car broke down last night.

Thank you to the police that stopped and asked if we where all right. Thank you for taking hubbie to the petrol station to see if he could get help there. And thanks for bringing him back.

Thank you to the traffic department who stopped behind us and alerted traffic when the car trouble escalated and we ended up with no electric power (i.e. no lights) while the rain poured down.

Thanks to those same traffic cops for staying with us and who in the end had to push start hubbie's mom's car (don't ask), after the tow truck has already left with our car and my hubbie.

And thanks to my 1 year old little boy, who behave so well in the chaos that surrounded us.

Thank you to you all. You made what could have been a horrible night, bearable.

Now if anyone is still wondering what to get me for Christmas, a new car would be just perfect :)

Letting go

2009-12-22T12:20:00.002+02:00

Sadly, I am not referring to the profound “letting go” of moving on with your life or saying goodbye to the past. Well, I’m kinda talking about saying goodbye to the past.

But mostly I am talking about presents.

Hubbie and I have completed about 96% of the Christmas shopping. But, while doing wrapping and scribbling names on the wrapping (I find cards a bit of a waste) I was thinking about presents of the past. (Cute little play on words hey – presents of the past…)

Anyway.

I also thought about teasing my friend about the fact that the last gift I gave her is still in its packaging. I told her she won’t be getting anything for Christmas unless she at least takes it out, preferably plug it in. The thing is, I feel a little guilty about that joke. You see, Hubbie gave me a gift last Christmas that I haven’t used. I have held it in my hands, opened and closed it, was very excited, decided to give some thought to the perfect use, and then mostly forgot about it.

I guess the conclusion I have reached is that when we give gifts we (I) must remember that we (I) have passed on the ownership and therefore have no say. Let go. All you (I) are entitled to is a thank you. No more.

Whether they use it or not, whether they re-gift it and pass it on to the next poor soul, whether they sell it to pay for petrol. It’s theirs now, and if you (I) want to keep strings attached, rather don’t give it at all.

Needless to say, my friend is getting a Christmas present (she would have all along) and my gift from hubbie will be used, as soon as I remember where I “safely” put it.

Space for me under that rock?

2009-12-18T14:44:00.001+02:00

Some days are better than others.

Today started out rather innocently, then one phone call later and the Christmas spirit was kicked right out of me.

I think that makes this day one of the “less better” ones.

Strange thing is, other than feeling highly disappointed in myself and the other involved party, that phone call counts for very little outside my world. Actually, that call made no difference to your world at all.

Weird how from a different point of view a “big thing” can mean a “small thing” or a “no-thing”.

Life continues, and so does this quest.

But for now, it will continue from under this rock.

A little sentimental

2009-12-17T19:58:00.003+02:00

I am not particularly sentimental. When my dad died three years ago and I was asked if there was anything of his I would like, I couldn’t think of anything. A couple of months ago I borrowed my dad’s binoculars from my mom. For a little while I thought: Ha, I found it! Something to remember my dad by. This thought passed when I realised that I could buy binoculars better suited to my needs.

It’s not that I don’t like stuff. I love stuff. Someone just doesn’t live on for me in stuff.

So if our house was burning and my hubbie and kiddo (and cats) were safe, what would I grab? My handbag so that I have my ID and bank card. Next probably my computer tower (for the files), screen and keyboard etc. can easily be replaced, so they stay behind. If I get round to putting important docs like wills and insurance details etc. in a convenient place, I’d probably grab those too. Not romantic I know, but, I should already be wearing my wedding ring, so that counts right?

But tonight was a little different.

As I was putting the kid to bed, I started singing a Christmas hymn. About half way I ran out of words. I tried another. About two phrases and my memory let me down. On the third try I made it all the way through the first verse of a song. No more.

It saddened me. I should know more than a few snippets of Christmas songs.

So I’ll be printing out the words of a few carols so that we can sing it on Christmas Eve with the family. Maybe I am sentimental after all.

But if not at Christmas, when hey?

What’s in a name and all that

2009-12-15T14:06:00.001+02:00

I was watching TV last night. A programme on weight loss. Now, as you may have figured out by now, I am indeed of the female persuasion, so me watching weight loss TV should come as no surprise. Just about (if not) every woman I know have some form of (ridiculous) fascination with weight loss. Myself included.

From the couch, half asleep, head propped up on my leg, my hubbie gave his two cents worth: “I know why he overeats. It’s because of the emotional scarring his parents caused when they gave him that name.”

Tact is not always a requirement, especially when talking ‘bout someone on TV we are highly unlikely to meet.

I also recently read an article about a company offering a “meaning of name” service, making sure that the name you choose for your child does not have some dreadful meaning in some obscure language. Personally I think we should stop worrying about the meaning and choose a name we like, one that our kids hopefully won’t be laughed at too often for (never is too close to wishful thinking).

All of this got me thinking about my own name. There are beliefs and schools of thought that your name plays a huge roll in your success, life path and general happiness. Some even go as far as to say that you would have lived an entirely different life if one letter in your name was different. Although that might be from a sci-fi book.

Since I can remember I have been called Suki. My full name was reserved for exclamations of alarm. I was a couple of years old before I realised that my name was indeed my name, and didn’t mean something like stop, don’t touch or no. But what if a letter was different? Would I have a better life? Or worse?

I wonder…

Till next time
Sooki :)

12 days to pass Christmas

2009-12-14T12:16:00.000+02:00

(Counting today.)

With the countdown to Christmas getting closer to zero, my hubbie and I fell into the world of present shopping yesterday. If you are thinking: they left it a bit late, you would be wrong. In my world, any Christmas shopping happening more than three days before thee day can be considered as early.

Both of us love giving presents, and usually armed with lists and lists (I love lists) we venture into the shops doing our best to find a present that says something about the person. As we understand them at least.

As we go down the list, considering interests and hobbies, likes and dislikes, and trying to keep in mind reactions to previous gifts, we easily can spend a whole day wondering from shop to shop, making notes of candidate gifts. Over a coffee, or beer (well cider for me as I don’t like beer) we will then discuss the merits of the gifts, and then (after the coffee) return to the shops to make the purchases. (Now that I think of it, I don’t like coffee either, but I will drink a latte.)

We rarely ask people what they want, and definitely do not ask what they need (to my mother’s dismay). Christmas is about giving, not what is needed, but what you want to give. The gift you receive is a little glimpse into what the giver thinks of you.

I realise that not everyone thinks that way, or at least I hope they don’t, simply because I don’t like what a bunch of gift vouchers say about me. It’s too specific a value. I’d rather receive a 20 buck gift that is filled with thought (probably not even realising it costs 20 bucks), than a 100 buck gift because it was convenient.

As they say: it’s the thought that counts. And to me the thought counts and says a lot.

So, there you have it.

Preferably no vouchers please. If you have to, rather just hand me the cash.

define: me

2009-12-11T12:52:00.004+02:00

One of my favourite Google pastimes is to look up the definitions of words.

Sometimes you think you know a word, but you may have learnt it from context, or heard it from someone who didn't really know either. Then, one day, you use a word with great confidence, just to be sneered at by a whole array of individuals.

Not fun.

This is where the ability to type in - define: word - is so wonderfully useful. True I can't do this successfully amidst an intellectual repartee, but useful none the less.

Not so when it comes to me.

Type in define: me and you get things about a state in New England, somebody's first (or was it third) album, a reference to a letter from the Greek alphabet, but absolutely nothing (and I mean nothing) about me.

Guess I'll have to figure this out for myself.

A day as good as any other

2009-12-10T19:41:00.007+02:00

So I guess I could have waited a week or three and started this blog on thè day: January the first.

But why if December 8 was as good a day as any other?

And let's face it: if I can't start a blog on December 8 (or 9, or 10) and stick to it, what difference will January 1 make to my ability to persevere?

Absolutely nothing.

This is why, who knows how many new years ago, I decided that new year's resolutions are a big, fat waste of time. Now if I want to do something - I do it. Is my success rate any higher? Can't tell, didn't keep count. But it does mean that I don't have to wait a week or three to go on any of my little quests.

And if I fail?

Well, since I don't have to wait for January 1 to come round again, I can try again the very next day.

Or any other day.

Life Quest (yep, that’s what I called it)

2009-12-09T16:30:00.000+02:00

So you decide to start a blog, you fill in your name, type in your email address and choose a password. Then it gets to one seemingly simple line: The name of your blog.
You’re stumped (or at least I was).

What do you call this damn thing you decided to do? You can’t leave it blank. A blog with a blank name might as well not get started. You think about what you wanna write. Everything. Nothing. Something in between? You try to be clever, insightful, funny – maybe provocative.

Then, after 10 to 100 minutes of just staring at a blank line, you type: Life Quest (and other stuff).

Coz let’s face it: everything is about this silly little life we live.

And some other stuff.

Too much space on the internet

2009-12-08T10:52:00.000+02:00

So here I am starting my second blog.

The first, started in April, is on a parenting site and evolves around my little boy. I started writing about our adventures, partly because I was told to ("you'll forget when he did new things and you'll want to know later") and partly because I thought it would be fun.

I was right, it was fun. What I didn't know at the time though was about the other bloggers. Reading about their ups and downs, highs and even "highers", I realised that I was part of a community. Something bigger than just little old me.

So why a second blog then?

Too much space on the internet. And I have every intention to help fill it.